Torteloni

Stacy and I have been wanting to make homemade pasta for months now. We finally got the chance today and ended up making torteloni which is the older brother of tortellini. It takes about 2 hours but it is SO worth it. I suppose it helps that wonton soup is one of my favorite types of food.

This is a good dish to make if you really want to impress the pants off of someone.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 flour

3 eggs (The rule is 1 egg for each 100 grams of flour and 100 grams is about 3/4 cup)

1/2 pound of meat (ground beef, chicken, or turkey)

1/2 cup shredded cheese
Bullion
Minced garlic
Basil, oregano, pepper, salt, sage, garlic powder

Tools:
Pizza cutter
Fork
Bowl
Pot
Rolling pin

Directions
1) Start heating the water on the stove for the broth. Add bullion and spice as needed. Mix the cheese, garlic, and meat in a bowl and mix well. Add spices and set aside.

2) Dump all of the flour on a cleaned table. Make a wide with half inch or inch high walls. There should be no flour at the bottom of the crater.

3) Crack 2 eggs into it and use the fork to start slowing whipping the eggs and then slowly start mixing in the flour.

4) Once it has reached a consistency that can be kneaded, slowly start kneading it. When it is no longer sticky push the rest of the flour aside and start using your hand to knead it.

5) As it become smoother, clean the table off a bit and then sprinkle flour down and use the rolling pin to start rolling it out.

When it has become fairly thin (almost paper thin), use the pizza cutter to cut it into 2" by 2" squares.

6) Put a bit of meat in the center of each.

Fold the square into a triangle. Use a bit of water to seal it if necessary.

Using your index finger, place the triangle on it, bottom of the triangle down.

Next, take the two points pointing left and right and bring them down to meet below your index finger.

Use a bit of water to seal the two points together, it should look like you have a very awkward ring on.

Slip the torteloni off and set aside.

*NOTE: When you set them aside, make sure it isn't in a bowl or something where they could all stick together. It's best to just put them on the table, separated.

7) Complete the rest of the torteloni as in step #6. Once all of the torteloni has been made, carefully place them in the boiling water. Do this a few at a time to be extra careful.

8) Boil for 10-15 minutes. Check one to make sure the meat is cooked fully.

9) Serve with broth in bowls and enjoy.

MOD IT

*Make it vegetarian: Substitute meat for pre-cooked spinach mixed with cheese, garlic and spices.

*Make it more pasta-y: Boil the torteloni in water and use slotted spoon to take them out when they are finished. Serve with marinara, pesto, alfredo or some other type of pasta sauce.

*Change the shape: As you get better at forming the torteloni, you can start changing up the shape and size of the pasta. Or if you make torteloni with different fillings, they could be made in different shapes to tell the difference.

*Coloring: You could probably get away with adding food color to the pasta dough to add a different spin on your dish

Mammal Protein Free Chicken Pot Pie

Because of my monumental laziness and lack of motivation, I have made the executive decision to turn this in to a whatever-the-fuck-I-want-to-talk-about blog. If I understand correctly, most blogs are managed this way. So today I want to talk about the mammal protein free chicken pot pie I made last weekend.

You may be asking yourself: why would you make a mammal protein free chicken pot pie? Is this some sort of new dietary craze with the reasoning that poultry doesn’t count as an actual animal?

This was the second result on Google Image search for Poultry Protest

No, no it is not a new trend that will have your parents even more confused about the moral priorities of today’s youth. Rather it is in respect to a dear friend of mine whose body, while fabulous in unspeakable ways, is unable to properly digest mammal protein. This combined with my own inability to eat a laundry list of food makes cooking for or eating out with both of us very difficult. So when I cook at his house, I try to respectfully lay off the cheese and milk so we may find some common ground. Since I’m not allowed to do dishes while I’m at his house (a rule which I broke this very weekend), I felt it only respectful that he come home to a hot meal.

On a side note, the small town that he lives in is what I now like to refer to as the Ark of Consumerism. Because there is two types of every fucking store. They have a Home Depot and a Menards. A Burger King and a Wendy’s. A Cub Foods and a Rainbow Foods. A Target and a Wal-mart. And the list goes on, from coffee shops to thrift stores to banks. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve found where I will be hiding up during the zombie apocalypse. Oh, and it’s a Super Target.

Anyway, after a horrific Friday (that most notably involved me going to the doctor only to realize that I sound like a drug addicted harpy along with losing $500 and my EBT card) I gave up on the idea of making chicken pot pie and instead ate sweet potato fries and pizza for dinner and finished the night off with a good six hours of Oblivion. It felt great even though I couldn’t level up because I had been kicked out of the Mages Guild and became a vampire every time I went to sleep. After another six hours or so of Oblivion the next day, I finally pushed myself to make the pot pie.

This is what happens to you when you become a vampire. It is not pretty and not even Botox can save you.

Mammal-Protein Free Chicken Pot Pie

The chicken pot pie recipe is cheap and easy, taking perhaps an hour or an hour and fifteen minutes.

Ingredients

4-5 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cubed

1.5 packages of frozen corn, beans, carrots, and peas mix

1 large potato, skinned and cubed

2 cups of plain or original soy milk

1.5 cup of chicken broth

2 eggs

2 cups of Bisquick baking mix

Salt, pepper, rosemary, basil, thyme, garlic powder

Supplies

Large, glass casserole dish

One fairly large bowl

Frying pan and/or saucepan

Whisk

Scrapper

1) Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

2) You need to precook the cubed chicken breast and the potato. I generally do this by boiling them. The chicken turns out juicier and you don’t have to worry about burning it. Just make sure you watch them and check them periodically so you don’t overcook.

3) Mix the veggies with the cooked potatoes and chicken in the casserole dish, mix in your seasonings to your desires. I prefer to crush rosemary before I add it to dishes. You can blame my mother’s lack of acceptance of hard, pine needle type things in her food for that one.

4) Pour 1 cup of soy milk and the chicken broth on top of the filling. Depending on the size of the pan you are using, you may want to top it off with some more chicken broth. The broth should not come up over the filling and there should certainly not be any filling floating in the broth. If this happens, either move it to a smaller pan or add more vegetables to the filling.

5) In the bowl, mix the 2^nd cup of soy milk with the Bisquick and eggs. Whisk until well mixed but still with little lumps.  Pour this on top of the filling. The topping should completely cover the filling, if it doesn’t use the bowl to mix ½ cup Bisquick with ¼ soy milk and one egg. Add this to the pan until all filling is sufficiently covered.

6) Put it in the oven for 30-45 minutes, depending on how large the pan is. The topping should be golden brown and hollow sounding.

7) Cut and serve!

MOD IT

* OMG USE REAL VEGETABLES!!!!1 You will have to pre-cook them at least half way so that you don’t have an extra-crunchy pot pie but the difference in taste may be worth it. Same could go with using fresh herbs.

*Add some of that mammal protein. Just use real milk instead of soy milk.

*Make it vegetarian. Just marinate some tofu and pre-fry for crispyness and use vegetable broth or mushroom broth.  I totally recommend Better Than Bullion, you will never look at bullion the same way again.  If marinating and frying tofu is too much, just add more potatoes.

*Make it vegan. First, make it vegetarian but make your own Bisquick-esk mix for the topping with egg substitute.

*Mix up the ingredients. No, not like putting the Bisquick at the bottom of the pan, more like using sweet potatoes and beets. Or apples, peaches, and berries? Wildberries, perhaps?